Rules Are Made to Be Broken

I’m a big fan of following the rules. Like traffic signals. Unlike other drivers on the road, and by other drivers I mean the guy in the silver Volvo who cut me off last week, I firmly believe that a red light is more than a suggestion.

“Hey, jerk, check your state issued Rules of the Road. Red means stop. Green means go.”

Another rule I think is important is that you don’t swim by yourself. That’s especially true if you have kids. For the record, when it comes to water safety, I am a big supporter of the buddy system.

But other rules are just silly. Like the rule about white after labor day. I tried to find out the history of that one. As best I can tell, it relates to southern bells trying to show how sophisticated they were by making up a nonsensical system of odd laws and then following them in an attempt to justify their validity.

If you ask me, it's a pretty stupid premise and has no legal justification. Plus, I watched Stacy and Clinton from TLC’s What Not to Wear and they told me white after labor day is OK. So I’m going with that.

Just like our country and our town, at our house, we have rules. We also have guidelines. Rules are situations where Ken and I don’t compromise. Guidelines are a bit more iffy.

A rule might be something like, if you put your hands in the toilet water, you are getting a time out – in addition to a stout scrubbing. Believe me, when you have a two year old on site, this is a pretty significant rule on the list.

Another important rule is don’t eat the cat food. Again, an important rule when you live with a two year old. It’s not so much that I’m concerned that the cat food will injure a child. It’s just when humans eat the cat food, it ticks off the cats. And there’s nothing worse than cat revenge – unless you enjoy stepping on cat puke when you get up to use the bathroom at two o’clock in the morning.

Guidelines, on the other hand, are a bit less defined and are subject to compromise. An example of a guideline is “if you don’t stop making that face it’s going to freeze that way.” To my knowledge, there are no documented cases of a child’s face permanently freezing into a grimace. But our parents passed that one to us and we throw it out there for our kids just in case.

Another guideline relates to breakfast. Traditionally, eggs and pancakes are breakfast items. I’m really not sure why. It’s the way my parents did things. And it’s the way their parents did things. But since it doesn’t involve life and death and has no bearing on my children's immortal souls, I’m willing to compromise.

It’s a good thing too. Because breakfast for dinner happens to be a favorite of my kids. For some reason, sausage and pancakes taste twice as good when you are eating them just before bed instead of just after waking up.

When it comes to breakfast for dinner, the absolute favorite in our house is green eggs and ham. The recipe is simple. Break a couple of eggs. Add green food color. Scramble. Cook and serve.

It’s about the grossest looking thing that you can put on a plate. But the kids love it. And if you can get past the "something that came out of a baby diaper" color, it tastes just the same as regular scrambled eggs.

Breakfast for dinner is a perfect treat for those nights when we just can’t bear to cook. And it makes a great incentive for good behavior.

“Eric, if you don’t stop throwing legos at your sister you won’t get any green eggs and ham.”

Works every time.

The final rule we don’t compromise on our house is that “sisters and brothers are nice to each other.” I feel like it’s a pretty important rule. The kids don't agree. I find that I issue several citations for violating this rule every day.

"Emily, locking your baby sister in the laundry room is not acceptable!"
"Beth, stop hitting Eric on the head with your teddy bear."

As my kids get older, they are starting to question the reasonableness of my rules.

"Why can't we eat dessert first and then have our green beans?" They ask.
"Because it's the rule." I say, as if that should settle the debate.

I’m beginning to worry that our system of home rule government is in jeopardy. Last week I caught Eric and Emily conspiring to overthrow the current regime and rewrite our family constitution.

If they are successful, the “be nice” rule won’t be part of the Family Bill of Rights. But they did have some interesting proposals about eating chocolate cup cakes for breakfast.