While I was making dinner last week, my six year old son, Eric, suddenly burst into the room dressed in his red and blue Spiderman costume. Suddenly he thrust his hand towards me and yelled “Zap!” Apparently I was a villain today and I had just been neutralized.
Eric adores super heroes. This week he is Spiderman. Last week, he went to be bed every night in his Superman jammies. He plans to be Batman for Halloween. Eric’s immense imagination lets him believe that he has super powers. I’m just waiting for the first broken bone when he decides to fly off the garage roof.
When I think about my son’s imagination and his obsession with super heroes, I wonder, whether I could benefit from a few superpowers of my own. After all, I am a Mom, with three kids under the age of 6. I can use all the help I can get. I wonder, if I could chose to be any superhero, who should I pick?
Superman seems like a great choice. After all, he is practically invincible. And he can fly, which would be a real handy way for me to get from Eric’s soccer practice to Emily’s music lesson in a flash. He also has x-ray vision, which could spare me the pain of entering the disaster area that my three year old daughter Emily claims is her room when I am looking for her shoes.
But there are some drawbacks to being Superman. For one thing, I don’t know if I could fit three car seats on the cape. They barely fit in the minivan. Plus, he has that deadly allergy to Kryptonite. My friend Cathy is allergic to shellfish. Whenever we go out to lunch we are constantly worried that she’ll accidently come in contact with a renegade shrimp. It’s a bit scary. I’m not sure I could take the pressure of having to worry about my arch nemeses sneaking some kryptonite into my pad thia. I guess I’ll pass on being Superman.
Maybe I should be Spiderman. Spiderman is Eric’s favorite and has some really cool powers. Even though Spiderman doesn’t fly, he can climb walls. As a Mom, I already feel like I am climbing the walls from time to time. Plus, wall climbing could be helpful the next time Eric’s Frisbee ends up on the roof. And Spiderman has extra quick reflexes. I could really use this to grab hold of Beth (she’s almost two) before she darts into the street.
But Spiderman has some problems too. While Spiderman’s costume is very colorful, I am a bit concerned about the fabric. I'm just not sure I have the body to pull of a one piece spandex body suit. Of course, the biggest problem with Spiderman is that …he is a spider. Did you know that spiders kill their prey by sucking out their blood? Gross! Sorry, I just can’t do the furry leggy spider thing. Yuck. I guess I’ll pass on Spiderman too.
Maybe Aquaman is the right Superhero for me. Aquaman can breathe under water and swim faster than a dolphin. I could entertain the kids for hours with this power next time we are romping at the beach. And Aquaman can talk to marine animals. I’m not sure that I would be able to make much conversation with a mackerel. But if I could speak to a non-aquatic animal, I would like to find out why the cat threw up on my pillow last week. Was it something I said?
Of course Aquaman isn’t perfect either. He practically lives in the ocean. I just don’t think all that salt water can be good for your skin. And his hair is always wet. Please, the wet look is so 80s. That means Aquaman is out too.
Now I know you’re thinking “What about the obvious choice…..Wonder Woman.” All I can say to that is “no thanks.” While I admit that the golden lasso of truth could make a wonderful fashion accessory, there is no way I am going to a PTO meeting wearing a red white and blue push up bra. Plus, I can barely remember where I parked my minivan in the Wal-Mart parking lot as it is. How would I ever keep track of an invisible airplane.
If I can’t be Aquaman, Spiderman, Superman, or Wonder Woman, who can I be? Maybe I should just dream up my own superpowers. I can think of one power I could really use….the silencer. This would be the power to bring total silence to a room of screaming kids by just blinking my eyes. Ahhh. Solitude. I could also use the ability to clone myself. That way real me could go to Eric’s t-ball game while clone me takes Emily to her doctors appointment. Of course, I’m not sure the world is ready for more than one me. Does anyone know a superpower that will clean my bathroom, make the beds and cook a healthy meal for five in less than thirty minutes?
Maybe I already have all the superpowers I need. I am a Mom after all. For example, Spiderman may have his spidey senses but I have something better – Mommy’s intuition. I can tell my kids are trying to pull one over on me just by the way they breathe. I also have Magic Mommy kisses. I can cure any boo boo with nothing more than a band aid and big wet kisses. Not even Superman can do that. And you know, all Mom’s have eyes in the back of their heads - as well as enough love in their hearts to fill the ocean.
I suppose being a Mom is super enough. Still, a utility belt might come in handy from time to time.
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