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Why Abercrombie and Fitch Should Ditch their Offer to the Situation and Pay Me Instead
On August 12, 2011, Abercrombie & Fitch Co. issued a ground breaking press release when it announced that it had offered substantial compensation to Michael 'The Situation' Sorrentino (cast member of MTV's The Jersey Shore) if he agreed to stop wearing A&F products. According to A&F, the clothing company was deeply concerned about the damage Mr. Situation would do to their reputation. The day after making this offer, A&F’s stock tanked, dropping by 9%. In Case You Didn't Know, the "M" Stands for Music
When I read this press release, I couldn’t help but think that Abercrombie and Fitch was barking up the wrong tree. After all, odd as though they may, the cast of Jersey Shore is very popular among A&F’s target market.
This market, from my observations, consists primarily of people who are much too young to realize that the “M” in MTV stands for MUSIC – yes, music. These people are also much too young to remember that there was a time when MTV was changing the world; not spinning out second rate reality TV shows starring buffoons and goof balls. Given that A&F and Jersey Shore are both targeting the same market segment, you’d have to agree that it doesn’t make sense for Abercrombie and Fitch to diss Mr. Situation.
How Can I Be of Service?
Being a responsible citizen, I’d like to offer my services to Abercrombie and Fitch. Here’s my proposal, and I think you’ll agree it’s very reasonable. Instead of paying Mr. Situation not to wear their products, A&F can pay me half as much not to wear them. This, I promise, will do wonders for A&F stock prices.
I think paying me to shun their products will be of great benefit to Abercrombie and Fitch for several reasons. First, I am not part of A&F’s target market. I’m a forty (cough cough) year old mom of three young kids who lives in the middle of a corn field. I go to PTO meetings and drive a minvan. I don't represent any target demongraphic and I lead a boring life. No one is going to feel alienated if A&F pays me not to wear their super skinny jeans. Some people may applaud the move.
Second, unlike Mr. Situation, I don’t go around lifting up my shirt, flashing my six pack abs and showing off the Abercrombie and Fitch logo on my underpants. This is mainly because instead of six pack abs, I have stretch marks. And instead of designer undergarments, I have granny panties. Believe me; it would be very, very bad for the A&F image if I suddenly started flashing their logo on my body in public. No one, and I mean no one, needs to get a gander at my undergarments.
Third, I am confident that Abercrombie and Fitch doesn’t want me to wear their stuff. Let’s face it, at my age, I would look ridiculous in their super short skirts. I'm not even sure they carry my size. I wear a Mom. Now, back in the day, I might have been able to pull it off; but since I've gone over the hill, I’m pretty sure it would be very bad for the A&F brand for the public to see me in their designer clothes. Finally, I won’t make a big deal about Abercrombie & Fitch rejecting me. In fact, I’ll promise to keep my mouth shut, take the money and go away quietly. After all, being paid not to wear A&F clothes won’t be as hard on me as it will be on Mr. Situation: mostly because I don’t currently own any A&F clothes to begin with. Since I already have a lot of practice rejecting what A&F has to offer, I will likely be much better at not wearing their stuff than Mr. Situation is.
Make the Check Out to Me, Please!
So, that’s my offer Abercrombie and Fitch. Keep The Situation. Keep the cast of Jersey Shore. Keep MTV. Keep your target demongraphic happy so they will spend buckets of cash in your stores.
Instead, reject me. Make out the check in my name. You can save half the dough and make us both happy. Heck, I’ll even promise not to wear your clothes if you send me ten bucks a coupon for a free foot massage.
Now that’s an offer you can't refuse!
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