Monday, August 29, 2011

How Parents Succeed When They Let Their Children Fail.

This article has previously been posted to my Associated Content Page.

Failing Their Way to Success: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Children Succeed through Failure.

Failure, It’s as Easy as Falling off a Bike

Do you remember when you learned to ride a bike without training wheels?  If you were like most kids, your Mom or Dad held your seat while you peddled.  Eventually Mom or Dad let go and you were on your way. 

Maybe you picked up the knack of bike riding the minute you were on your own.  But if you were like most of us, you peddled a few feet before toppling over.  You were a failure.  Or were you?

The process of learning to ride a bike often involves several spills.  Most parents realize this.  Yet time after time Mom and Dad will run behind the bike only to let go and wait for their child to succeed or fail.

Parents Need to Understand the Benefit of Failure

As parents we want success for our children.  From the time they are babies we shield and protect them from harm.  We hold their hands when they cross the street.  We tie their shoes so they won’t trip.  We coach and lead our little ones through life. 

Despite our best intentions, however, as parents we need to consider that helping our children too much could be harming them.  We need to learn that while the thrill of victory is important to shaping little minds, so is experiencing the agony of defeat.  We need to understand that there is substantial benefit in allowing our children to fail.

J.K. Rowling, Author of Harry Potter Tells Why Failure is Important in Life

In a 2008 commencement address at Harvard University, J.K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter, stood in front of thousands of graduates and their families and told them that she wished for them to fail. In her speech, entitled The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination, Rowling related the events of her own life and how she was a disappointment to her family.

Rowling described herself as a failure.  She said, "The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew."

Failure, however, did not shatter Rowling.  Instead it incited her passion. In telling of her experience, Rowling said:

"The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned."

Why is Failure Important

As Rowling notes, failure is a key to eventual success.  The process of trial and error builds character.  The progression that comes from improving on mistakes creates confidence. Parents need to understand that inner strength is nurtured and grows when a child is given a chance to be tested, to fail, and to pick his or herself up and try again.

What Should a Parent Do?

Hard as it may be, as parent we need to step back and allow our children to fail.  That may mean allowing them to go to school when their homework isn’t finished and then permitting them to suffer the consequences.  It may mean watching them try out for team when, as a parent, you aren’t sure that they are ready.  It may mean giving up some of the control that has enabled us to parent so effectively.

To better cope with failure, parents should teach their children the following three lessons.

Lesson One: To Accept Failure as Part of Life

Instead of protecting our children from hardships, our children should be encouraged to try new things even if there is a potential for failure.  In doing this, we should remind our children that they may not always be successful but that we are proud of their attempts.    When our children experience failure, we can discuss with them the fact that success is not always possible but that there may be other opportunities in the future.  

Lesson Two: To Plan for Failure

As parents we should be open with our children about how they will feel if they don’t succeed.  We should explain that these feelings of disappointment are natural and that failing at one thing does not mean our child is a failure at everything. We can also help our children think about what they will do if they don’t succeed.  Will they try something new, use a new approach or abandon the effort altogether? By helping our children think about how they will respond to failure, we enable them to develop important coping skills.

Lesson Three: Learn from Failure

Finally, as parents we can help our children use failure as an opportunity to grow.  We can discuss the lessons learned in an unsuccessful endeavor.  We can help our children find ways to improve.  By using failure as an opportunity to learn, we can help our children recover from disappointment and prepare them for a new attempt.

Failure is a fact of life.  As Rowling said, “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default." 

With failure comes strength.  With strength comes success.  As parents the best gift we can give our children is to permit them the chance to experience the lows so they can achieve great heights.

*******
Other articles by me:


Monday, August 22, 2011

Abercrombie and Fitch, Please Pay Me Not to Wear Your Clothes!

Note: This article is also available at my Associated Content Web Site. Please click to read it and other articles by me.  

Why Abercrombie and Fitch Should Ditch their Offer to the Situation and Pay Me Instead

On August 12, 2011, Abercrombie & Fitch Co. issued a ground breaking press release when it announced that it had offered substantial compensation to Michael 'The Situation' Sorrentino (cast member of MTV's The Jersey Shore) if he agreed to stop wearing A&F products.  According to A&F, the clothing company was deeply concerned about the damage Mr. Situation would do to their reputation.  The day after making this offer, A&F’s stock tanked, dropping by 9%.

In Case You Didn't Know, the "M" Stands for Music

When I read this press release, I couldn’t help but think that Abercrombie and Fitch was barking up the wrong tree.  After all, odd as though they may, the cast of Jersey Shore is very popular among A&F’s target market. 

This market, from my observations, consists primarily of people who are much too young to realize that the “M” in MTV stands for MUSIC – yes, music.  These people are also much too young to remember that there was a time when MTV was changing the world; not spinning out second rate reality TV shows starring buffoons and goof balls. Given that A&F and Jersey Shore are both targeting the same market segment, you’d have to agree that it doesn’t make sense for Abercrombie and Fitch to diss Mr. Situation.

How Can I Be of Service?

Being a responsible citizen, I’d like to offer my services to Abercrombie and Fitch.  Here’s my proposal, and I think you’ll agree it’s very reasonable. Instead of paying Mr. Situation not to wear their products, A&F can pay me half as much not to wear them.  This, I promise, will do wonders for A&F stock prices.

I think paying me to shun their products will be of great benefit to Abercrombie and Fitch for several reasons.  First, I am not part of A&F’s target market.  I’m a forty (cough cough) year old mom of three young kids who lives in the middle of a corn field.  I go to PTO meetings and drive a minvan. I don't represent any target demongraphic and I lead a boring life.  No one is going to feel alienated if A&F pays me not to wear their super skinny jeans. Some people may applaud the move.

Second, unlike Mr. Situation, I don’t go around lifting up my shirt, flashing my six pack abs and showing off the Abercrombie and Fitch logo on my underpants.  This is mainly because instead of six pack abs, I have stretch marks.  And instead of designer undergarments, I have granny panties.  Believe me; it would be very, very bad for the A&F image if I suddenly started flashing their logo on my body in public. No one, and I mean no one, needs to get a gander at my undergarments. 

Third, I am confident that Abercrombie and Fitch doesn’t want me to wear their stuff.  Let’s face it, at my age, I would look ridiculous in their super short skirts.  I'm not even sure they carry my size.  I wear a Mom.  Now, back in the day, I might have been able to pull it off; but since I've gone over the hill, I’m pretty sure it would be very bad for the A&F brand for the public to see me in their designer clothes.

Finally, I won’t make a big deal about Abercrombie & Fitch rejecting me.  In fact, I’ll promise to keep my mouth shut, take the money and go away quietly.  After all, being paid not to wear A&F clothes won’t be as hard on me as it will be on Mr. Situation: mostly because I don’t currently own any A&F clothes to begin with. Since I already have a lot of practice rejecting what A&F has to offer, I will likely be much better at not wearing their stuff than Mr. Situation is.

Make the Check Out to Me, Please!

So, that’s my offer Abercrombie and Fitch.  Keep The Situation.  Keep the cast of Jersey Shore.  Keep MTV.  Keep your target demongraphic happy so they will spend buckets of cash in your stores.

Instead, reject me.  Make out the check in my name.  You can save half the dough and make us both happy.  Heck, I’ll even promise not to wear your clothes if you send me ten bucks a coupon for a free foot massage. 

Now that’s an offer you can't refuse!

Other Articles by me can be found on my Associated Content profile.  Sample titles include: