“The waiter just called me old!” I lamented as I watched our table server head back towards the kitchen. Ken had no sympathy. “What’s the big deal? He just called you Ma'am” he sighed. “He implied I was old!” I sputtered. “You are old to him” Ken replied. I can tell he immediately regretted his response. He tried to drop his fork on the floor to distract me from the conversation but it was too late. So he just leaned back in his seat and braced himself for the storm surge. “First of all,” I spat, “I am not old. Second, even if I were old, I don’t LOOK old.” “Do I have to answer that?” Ken muttered.
We’ve had this discussion before. You would think by now Ken would know that the less he says the better. Plus I’m fairly certain his wasn't paying much attention and that he was actually watching ESPN on the TV hanging over the bar behind me. I was tempted to tell him I planned to sell the house and spend my life exploring the Yucatan just to see if he would nod and say “Yes, Dear. Uh-Huh.”
As I sipped my caffeine free diet Coke, I wondered how the scene would have played out if I were lunching with my friends instead of my husband. So I mentally hit the rewind button.
Scene One, Take Two. A bustling yet quaint restaurant at noon. And action! The camera pans through the crowd and slowly settles on a small booth in the corner. Zoom in. Three established, fashionable and stunningly attractive ladies are chuckling together as they sip a glass of red wine. The part of me is being played by Marissa Tomei…….
CUT!!!
We’ve had this discussion before. You would think by now Ken would know that the less he says the better. Plus I’m fairly certain his wasn't paying much attention and that he was actually watching ESPN on the TV hanging over the bar behind me. I was tempted to tell him I planned to sell the house and spend my life exploring the Yucatan just to see if he would nod and say “Yes, Dear. Uh-Huh.”
As I sipped my caffeine free diet Coke, I wondered how the scene would have played out if I were lunching with my friends instead of my husband. So I mentally hit the rewind button.
Scene One, Take Two. A bustling yet quaint restaurant at noon. And action! The camera pans through the crowd and slowly settles on a small booth in the corner. Zoom in. Three established, fashionable and stunningly attractive ladies are chuckling together as they sip a glass of red wine. The part of me is being played by Marissa Tomei…….
CUT!!!
Right, even I’m not buying that one. Let’s try again. Take three. And...... Action!
Same restaurant, same booth. Erin, Cathy and I are shoveling chips and salsa and belly aching about everything you can imagine. The waiter arrives and takes our order. Just before he leaves, he utters the offending sentence “Would you like something to drink, Ma’am.” All of the air is sucked out of the room as my lunch mates gasp and I growl, “No. Thank You.” As the waiter slinks away from my evil stare, I turn to the girls.
Me: “Did that urchin just call me Ma’am? He was implying I’m old!”
Cathy: “He’s such a child he thinks anyone who doesn't need a learners permit is old.”
Erin: “Just for that he only gets a 14% tip....Actually, do you mind if I give him 15, I can’t do the math for 14?"
Cathy: “Besides, you are not old. And you look fabulous. Is that a new blouse? I love that color on you.”
Erin: “Hey, did anyone watch Glee last night?”
Me: “Are you kidding, my house is permanently tuned to Nick Junior. I think we watched Wow Wow Wubzy for the thousandth time.”
As the camera fades to black we hear the sound of hens clucking.
Same restaurant, same booth. Erin, Cathy and I are shoveling chips and salsa and belly aching about everything you can imagine. The waiter arrives and takes our order. Just before he leaves, he utters the offending sentence “Would you like something to drink, Ma’am.” All of the air is sucked out of the room as my lunch mates gasp and I growl, “No. Thank You.” As the waiter slinks away from my evil stare, I turn to the girls.
Me: “Did that urchin just call me Ma’am? He was implying I’m old!”
Cathy: “He’s such a child he thinks anyone who doesn't need a learners permit is old.”
Erin: “Just for that he only gets a 14% tip....Actually, do you mind if I give him 15, I can’t do the math for 14?"
Cathy: “Besides, you are not old. And you look fabulous. Is that a new blouse? I love that color on you.”
Erin: “Hey, did anyone watch Glee last night?”
Me: “Are you kidding, my house is permanently tuned to Nick Junior. I think we watched Wow Wow Wubzy for the thousandth time.”
As the camera fades to black we hear the sound of hens clucking.
Now, I know you are thinking, “Is there a moral to this story?” Yes. There is. Gentlemen, if your wife asks if you think she looks old, for Pete’s sake, just compliment her blouse and change the subject. Consider that my Public Service Announcement for the day.
Cut! That’s a wrap folks. Let’s pack it up.
2 comments:
Three words fix everything. Nothing more is needed and it will bail you out every time. "You look pretty". That is all. Admit it - if Ken had responded "You look pretty" you would have smiled and that would have been the end of it. No matter the situation, when a man is not sure what to say all he needs to say is "You look pretty". :D
Incidentally - I think you need to consider that at least the server was polite. ;)
I don't think he was trying to be rude....and I am grateful he didn't ask for my AARP card!
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